Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts #Post 1
A and B had been army buddies for a year since their
enlistment. A had to forego his job of a personal trainer at 'California
fitness' and B had graduated from a junior college. Despite the differences in
their social and educational background, they got along well. Their bonding
strengthened when they had to complete outfield missions. B was physically
smaller and weaker than A and needed much help from A during these missions. A
often made fun of B’s smaller size but B always took that in a playful spirit
because despite the casual jokes, A never hesitated in helping B.
A and B became even better friends through their common
interest in soccer. Every day after office hours, they played soccer inside
their camp. One day, A was very unlucky and he was missing out every
opportunity to score a goal. One could feel the tension building up on the
field as A got very serious during the game. When A missed an easy open goal again,
B jokingly said that how come the big size was not helping him that day. This sparked
an outrage in A and he pushed B against the wall. He wanted to use physical
contact, but was able to hold himself back at the last moment. He hit the wall instead.
This was the unpleasant end to their friendship. Although A
and B were in the same group for another year, they never talked after that
incident.
The underlying reasons that led to this situation was the
lack of social awareness on B’s part and no self-management on A’s part. B should
have picked the emotional cues and realize that A is not in the mood to take on
any joke. And A needed to have better self-management instead of letting his
short-temper affect his behavior and his relationship with B. I feel that this
incident could have been avoided if A and B did not lack emotional
intelligence. Do you guys agree?
Hi Manish,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that A should have exercised more self awareness and could have manage his emotions better. He could have taken it in a lighter spirit and perhaps just take a break from the game first. The fact that he didn't score any goals that day could mean that he was not focusing or perhaps he was feeling stress. He needs to learn how to manage his stress and reduce it effectively. Venting his anger or stress on innocent victims like B is definitely not the way to go. Moreover, if A can joke about B's physical fitness and build, he should be expected to be able to take jokes about himself too. Sometimes, you just have to take things in stride. Well I guess B was kind of unlucky as that sentence he said triggered A to react strongly towards him.
Although B was not really at fault, he could have initiated a meet up with A to explain to him that what he said was not intentional and has no hard feelings towards A. This would show that B was understanding and he still treasure the friendship between them. Perhaps, A would feel guilty that he was over reacting that day and apologise then and things would have turn out better. Hence, if the two of them would have met up after the incident to talk things out, I guess they would still be good friends now.
Therefore, it is important that we reflect on our own actions and not push all the blame to others. Misunderstandings should be cleared so that we do not bear grudges unnecessarily, especially towards the people we love.